Texts I send my friends & family every Christmas

(To mum) Help, I have no idea what to get granddad for Christmas (for about the 5th year in a row)

(To my sister) Coming home on the 23rd. I expect the ‘Muppet’s Christmas Carol’ DVD to be in the player when I walk through the door

(To my aunts & uncles) Hey, so I’ve not got a lot of money at the minute so I was wondering if you’d be ok with not getting anything from me exclusively? I’ll chip in to whatever mum gets you but I don’t have the money to buy for so many people. It’s so hard being young at the moment!

(To my friends) Hey, so I’ve purchased way too many Christmas cards, which one of you nerds wants some personalised love from the Dodge?!

(To my mum) DW, I got granddad a book about tanks in the second world war. He likes that kind of thing, right?

(To my sister) Has mum made any of those puff pastry mince pies?

(To my friends) Still got 12 of those Christmas cards going? Who’s in? Need to send them off soon if they’re going to get to you before Christmas?

(To my mum) I just realised that I don’t have anything for you and I have no idea what to get you. Sorry.

(To my sister) CODE RED: WHAT DO I GET MUM FOR CHRISTMAS? P.S. I got you ‘A book for her’, let me know if a) you already have it or b) you don’t want it.

(To my friends) No-one wants a card? Fuck you all.

(To my dad) I assume a bottle of wine will do?

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